Henry attended an interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposites of the following.
Henry : OK
Interviewer : Made in India.
Henry : Destroyed in Pakistan.
Interviewer : Keep it up.
Henry : Put it down.
Interviewer : Maximum.
Henry : Maxidad.
Interviewer : Enough ! Take your seat.
Henry : Not Enough. Don't take my seat.
Interviewer(angry) : Idiot ! Take your seat.
Henry : Clever ! Don't take my seat.
Interviewer : I say you get out !
Henry : You don't say I come in.
Interviewer : I reject you !
Henry : You appoint me.
Interviewer(very perplexed) : Get out !!!

Accountant : Doctor, I cannot sleep at night.
Doctor : Have you tried counting sheep ?
Accountant : That's the problem - I make a mistake and
spend three hours trying to find it and then to write it
in the accounts book.

Varun : Name two days of the week which begin with 'T'.
Arun : Today and Tomorrow.
Varun : Well ... it's not wrong .Next. How many seconds are there in a year ?
Arun : There are 12 seconds in a year.
Varun : 12 ? How can you say that ?
Arun : Well, January 2nd , February 2nd ,March 2nd ,etc.

The Army, Navy and Air force were arguing about who had the bravest troops.
They decided to show each other what they could do.
The Army general called a soldier and ordered him to climb to the top of a flagpole singing an army song, and then let go of both hands and salute.
The soldier did as he was told.
Next, the admiral called a sailor and told him to climb the pole , polish the brass knob at the top , salute and jump off. The sailor also did as he was told.
Finally the air marshal called a fighter pilot and told him to do the same , but with a backpack full of bricks and carrying loaded weapons.
The pilot took one look at the air marshal and said, 'You are crazy ! I will not do that.'.
The air marshal looked at the others and said, 'That's what I call guts'.

Lecturer to colleagues : I can understand it if my students look at their watch during my lecture , but now they stare at their watch and shake it to see if it is working.

First shepherd : How many sheep do you have ?
Second shepherd : I don't know.
First shepherd : What do you mean that you don't know ?
Second shepherd : Every time I start counting, I fall asleep.

Two rich women were boasting to each other. The first woman boasted, "My husband bought the bed that belonged to Napoleon Bonaparte." "Oh!", said the other woman with disdain , "You buy second hand furniture !"

Tom : Do you think computers will replace newspapers ?
Mathew : Never ! You can't swat a fly with a computer.

Tom : Why do witches fly on broomsticks ?
Mathew : Because vacuum cleaners need an electric socket.